Looking for a smartphone for men

I know that I will be kicking in more political correct doors than I can possibly legally afford. But I need to ventilate: I want a new phone. One that is designed for men.

I now pack an iPhone. It’s overrated, ridiculously expensive, nice, smart, slick, fast, intelligent, and above all: good looking. It even makes the color of my eyes stand out. But it comes with a twist: it is delicate, sensitive and fragile. It hates dust, moisture, temperature peaks, sand, mud, shocks and scratches. Basically: it hates me.

Steve Jobs had a nice black turtle neck and washed-out jeans. But his phone is simply not made for me. I dive in half-frozen pools. I drive my Landrover through rivers and a meter of mud. I let it climb impossible mountains. I use the winch. I get dirty. I drive cars through corners faster than is good for me and the environment in general. I generate more  g-forces than a fighter pilot. I am a boy.

See, my Breitling watch effortlessly resists my kind of lifestyle. So does my Audi, my Landrover, my Swiss Army knife. Even my wife is Danny-proof. All, except my iPhone. I broke two in 20 months.  Before all you loyal Apple fans go all oh and ah, no other brand designs phones for me it seems. HTC, Nokia, Samsung… all those fragile designs seem to bend and break by just looking at them.

The only one that fits my profile is the phone from Landrover. But, it is real real stupid, middle aged technology. You can drive a bulldozer over it though.

Sigh. How difficult can it be: a sturdy impact resistant smart phone for a caveman like me?