There is only one thing that gets on my nerves faster than an overcooked steak and that is lukewarm, bad and uninspiring communication. My big problem is that the world is so full of it. Pointless messages and newsletters filled with amazing nothingness hit me with the relentless beat of a toddler with drumsticks on Red Bull.
Most of this stuff is dull, boring, re-chewed, flat and ugly. It insults my intelligence. It hurts my feelings. It makes me a bit sad, angry and borderline aggressive. If one tries to communicate with me (a social behavior I enthusiastically encourage), why not at least try to give it the appearance of actually giving a fuck? (pardon my French). Have we met? Do you know who I am? What I stand for? What I do? What makers me tick? What keeps me awake at night?
I can’t blame you if the answer on the above questions is “no”. It makes you even a fascinating part of an intriguing unknown realm I am yet to discover…. But I blame you for not even trying, not making the slightest effort, not spending an ounce of elbow grease, not firing up a couple of rusty neurons…
Joshua sent me this, on LinkedIn, today:
“Hi [insert name]. I came across [insert website URL] and I loved it. Would you like me to help you with inbound marketing and suitable content to sell your products better? By operating as an extension of your team, we focus on creating high-quality, consistent, and on-brand content, and scale our efforts based on your business needs and at very competitive prices. I wonder if you’d like to have an introductory call to talk about your possible needs in our services? Would tomorrow at 14:00 work for you?”
I’m not [insert name], and surely you can do better than renaming my website [insert website URL]. If your knowledge on inbound marketing matches your ability to handle your CRM, I will not touch it with a mile-long stick. You would do my “on-brand content” ?
I don’t think so… I wish you, dear Joshua, a suitable cramp in your left testicle and very short arms.
This. Is. SO. Spot. On. I’m particularly taken with the last line – “I wish you, dear Joshua, a suitable cramp in your left testicle and very short arms.”